Nature speaks to me. It finds ways to get through my ego and to the core of my being and energy. I hear whispers in the wind. I see symbolism in the movement of trees and the antics of animals. It is where I take myself to find myself.
So today I went to one of my favorite places and sat with myself, pondering the life cycles of humans as my mother in my home town eats less and less each day and moves closer to that place where her energy will leave her and transform into something new and beautiful. I may not know where her energy will land, but I know that wherever it is there will be more light, more beauty, more of whatever is good than there was before. Nature has been giving me signs.
Yesterday, after hearing that her feet are now mottling, which is itself usually a sign that death is near, I got out of my car at a sacred place and heard mourning doves. Later in the day I saw a mourning cloak, a type of butterfly, for the first time this year. It is one of my favorites, and I also know that butterflies symbolize rebirth. At the end of the day I looked up to the top of a hill and saw a deer looking back at me. We stood there together for some time, just looking at each other, and somehow connected.
Today I went to a pond and sat down next to it just to be. As I was sitting there a dragonfly started to hover around me. They represent change and I knew that it was there to somehow reassure me that the coming change is an okay thing. My mother has lived a long and good life, despite her share of hardships, but it is time that she moves on, that she changes from this earthly form into whatever form her energy takes next. I have never had this happen before, but that dragonfly hovered around me for what seemed like forever. It hovered over my head then flew around and hovered right in front of my face, then darted behind, back over my head, in front of me again several times until I broke down in tears.
I couldn’t help but wonder why I was crying because I knew that the message of the dragonfly was about change. It wasn’t about endings, but about new beginnings, just as the butterfly yesterday was not about mourning but celebrating rebirth. Then I realized that the tears were not for my mother. She will be at peace. They were for me and my impending loss, for my brothers and sister, nieces and nephews, and those of us who have loved her in her earthly form. I wiped my eyes, thanked the dragonfly, then moved on to a spot where I found three fluffy yellow goslings to watch and enjoy.
This evening the dragonfly hovers in my mind, and I am more at peace than I was at the start of the day.