Remembering the victims of the Newtown, Connecticut and Oak Creek, Wisconsin mass shootings. Photo by Callen Harty.
With more than 300 mass shootings in the United States so far this year (defined as four or more people being shot or killed in the same general location and time) we are averaging about one a day. Two of the five deadliest in history have occurred in the last several weeks (35 days). It just seems it is getting to be too many for the National Rifle Association and gun manufacturers to keep up with press releases and responses, so it seemed like a good idea to offer them a template for responding to the next one, which should be no later than tomorrow or the next day at the current rate. This way they can spend their money on lobbying and advertising instead of wasting it on explaining their positions.
[Company name/organization] was saddened and horrified today to learn about the loss of life in [insert city name] by a terrorist [if person of color]/mentally unstable man [if white]. Nobody expects this kind of thing to happen in their [home/school/place of worship/workplace/movie theater/vacation spot/favorite nightclub/army base/restaurant/post office/neighborhood/etc.].
But we strongly encourage citizens not to get hysterical and clamor for an end for all Americans’ right to bear arms. If there had been a good citizen with a gun present this would have been stopped before so many were killed [Note: in the event that a citizen with a gun was there and was killed, injured, or was unable to do anything to help, this line may be skipped]. We believe the Second Amendment is sacred and it is critical to a free and safe citizenry. It also protects us against our own government. An occasional life lost to someone who uses a gun for a reason it was never intended is the price of freedom. [If only children are killed this line may be skipped.]
Further, guns don’t kill people. People kill people. If an assault weapon hadn’t been available this murderer would have killed these [insert number from four to 58, unless the next incident is more than 58] people with knives, baseball bats, rocks, fingernail clippers, or whatever was available to him.
Our prayers are with the victims of this incident [never refer to it as a mass shooting or refer to guns] and their families [in the event of the mass shooting taking place in a place of worship this entire line may be skipped]. If you want to protect your family, the best way to do that is to go out now and purchase a firearm. There will be a sale tomorrow and likely a rush, so make sure to get there early. Maybe even buy two, just to be doubly safe. We sincerely wish peace to all in this difficult time and God Bless America.
A Single Bluebird 