Last night I had a dream that we were with a group of about half a dozen old friends. Our time together was at its end. We were outside somewhere, likely a park, and all of the friends were lined up in a row and my partner and I were standing about ten feet away looking at them. Two of them hugged each other and I looked longingly at them because I love to hug and I miss them so much right now.
This is the reality of the world we live in right now. We can’t hug our friends or, unlike the dream, even be with them.
The dream continued with me looking at each of them and extending my arms out in what is known as an air hug and doing the same to each of them in turn. When I got to the last one, he stepped out of line and started moving toward me to give me a real hug and I started backing away. He continued moving toward me and I walked away from him. He started moving faster and I started running. He ran after me and eventually touched my shoulders and I turned and said sternly to him, “That’s not funny.”
This, too, is the world we live in, when we are afraid of the ones we love.
Yesterday, sitting at my kitchen table while working from home, I wasn’t feeling very well. I was tired and just felt sort of yucky. Nothing fit the symptoms of the Covid-19 virus and despite being isolated, I started worrying about it, thinking that this might be it. I realized then that despite my stoic front I am actually terrified of this disease and worried about dying from it due to complications from heart issues.
It’s the world we live in at this time.
I desperately want to go for a hike, but the weather hasn’t been the best, so I’m waiting it out. The only time I’ve been outside lately has been to walk the dogs and as we do, we watch the strange dance of people avoiding each other, crossing the street before they get too close, moving around in such a way as to have no contact. At least some of them smile and say hello and wish you a good day.
And this is the world we live in, where neighbors keep their distance.
The thing is, the isolation has not been that long yet and already I am longing for the world I used to know–the one in which people shake hands, hug, and connect in so many ways. It is the way of humans. It’s the world we should be living in, and I already miss it desperately.