Full Circle

At Nohr Gallery

Speaking at the Nohr Gallery, UW-Platteville, 4/12/17. Photo by Darlene Masters.

Trigger Warning: This post is about child sex abuse and also suicide. Please take care of yourself first and foremost.

Since coming out publicly as a survivor of child sex abuse about seven years ago I have written articles, blog posts, a play, and a memoir, spoken at conferences and events around the state and even as far afield as MaleSurvivor’s 14th International Conference in New Jersey, and have been interviewed on radio and television. For me it is important to speak about my experience so that others know they are not alone and to educate the public. I believe that as a society we don’t talk enough about sexual assault and about how to end it. I also believe that without survivors sharing their personal stories it is too easy to see it as a distant problem. Regardless of the issue–sexual abuse or other–personal stories tend to lead to a better understanding through the connection with the human being sharing the story. Whenever I am asked to speak I do my best to accept the invitation and tell my story.

Recently I was invited by the Dean of Students Office, Family Advocates, University Counseling Services, and the Doyle Center to speak at the University of Wisconsin-Platteville this past week as part of their Sexual Assault Awareness Month activities. I was excited by the prospect and more nervous than I had ever been about a speaking engagement, primarily because I had lived in Platteville for several years and it was only twenty miles from my hometown where the bulk of the abuse took place. It was also the city where I came out as a gay man, where I toyed with suicide two different times, where I confronted the person who abused me as a child, where I turned to alcohol in a very heavy way to mask my pain and avoid confronting the truth of my life.

To be honest Platteville in 1979 was a horrible place to come out, but it was also the place where I accepted myself and first started speaking publicly. My gay friends and I belonged to the campus gay and lesbian group and we would go into classrooms and talk about what it meant to be gay and do question-and-answer sessions. Speaking at the university this week was like coming full circle, but it was also like a bullied kid going back to the junior high where all the bullying took place decades earlier. Time had passed, but place can hold memories. In fact the room in which I spoke was on a corner where almost forty years ago a carload of college students had stopped their car and yelled “faggot” and other obscenities as they threw empty beer bottles at me.

Not many blocks away was the house where I lived when I downed a bunch of pills, only to find out the next morning that it was a bottle of penicillin, a story I usually share with some humor in my presentations. It was in the same house that I held a rusty razor blade to my wrist and ended up passing out before doing anything with it. On Tuesday afternoon I walked by the bars where I used to get drunk night after night, all with different names now, but all recognizable as my old haunts. It was in one of those bars that I confronted the person who abused me and was told by him that I was the one who wanted it.

The night before my talk I had gone to my hometown and stayed overnight in the bedroom in which I grew up. It was there and in other rooms in that house, and especially in the dark basement, that most of the abuse took place from the time I was ten until I was almost eighteen. When I went downstairs to take a shower I was thrown back to those days. I didn’t know how I would handle the speech that night, whether I could shake off all the memories that came with that part of the state.

Still, I knew I wanted to speak at the university. I knew that I had to and that it was important for me and my growth and continued healing to do it. What I also realized was that when I speak or write about my story it is really not about the victimization–it is about the healing and the surviving. Yes, the memories were there. Yes, there is still lingering pain from my childhood. Yes, speaking in Platteville was like going back in time to some very hard things. But I am a survivor first and foremost. I wanted to let people know that despite the horror I suffered in my childhood I survived. I am a strong man with an important message, and so I would speak. I would share the pain of my childhood, the difficulty in overcoming it, and I would let others know that surviving sex abuse is possible and real.

I was nervous thinking about the presentation beforehand, but once I started speaking that nervousness went away and I simply shared my story. Those in attendance listened attentively and asked good questions at the end. Many of them thanked me for sharing my story. I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed, ready for the next invitation.

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The Failure of Donald Trump

The White House. Photo by Callen Harty.

Some of my friends and relatives voted for Donald Trump. Some of my co-workers watched the inauguration on television at work while I sat at my desk and fought back tears at what my country had become. They did what they did for their own reasons.

The election was devastating to me and millions of others. I have been numb since November, overwhelmed with a feeling of emptiness and dread. But it is not just about politics with Donald Trump. This is important. It is not just about politics. I am a political junkie and in the past I have watched my favorite candidates lose and I have survived that with graciousness. I have watched the inaugural addresses of men I did not vote for because I wanted to see what they would say about uniting the country and doing the best job they could for the most people. While I didn’t support them I wanted them to succeed in the White House and be the best President for the American people.

The election of Donald Trump was different. While most of his policy ideas are things I cannot abide there were certain ideas he expressed with which I didn’t necessarily disagree. If he were almost anyone other than Donald Trump I would want to give him a chance and at the very least hope that he would not destroy our country by implementing the horrible policies he espoused on the campaign trail. Even then, living in Wisconsin I have seen firsthand that citizens can survive the very worst of government policies and leaders after living for the last six years under our 45th governor, Scott Walker, and all of his cronies in the legislature.

It is not Trump’s politics that bother me most. We can survive that. We can resist the worst of it. The issue is that regardless of political affiliation I expect the leader of our country to be a decent human being and I do not see that in Donald Trump. I see an arrogant, childish narcissist whose concern is not for the poor and downtrodden but for himself, and perhaps others of his ilk. I see a man who acts like an immature child as he gets into flame wars on Twitter with anyone who disagrees with him or counters something he says. I see a misogynistic cretin who is okay with grabbing women without consent because he is rich and powerful and simply because he can. I see a person who, again like a child, calls people names and makes fun of them for their looks, their disabilities, their culture, and more. This is not acceptable in a country that has long been a shining beacon for others.

I also see supporters and sycophants contorting themselves in incredible ways to excuse his behavior. These are people who would not accept the same behavior if they saw it from a stranger at the grocery store. The hypocrisy of self-proclaimed Christians supporting Trump is astounding to me. And yes, I know, many Christians do not support or condone him–this is about the hypocrites who proclaim to be Christians who accept his very unchristian behavior. Imagine Jesus Christ mocking a disabled man instead of opening his arms to him. Imagine Jesus violating a woman by grabbing her genitals because he is a man and she is there only for his pleasure. Imagine Jesus calling someone fat or ugly instead of accepting them for what is beautiful about them. These things are not what Jesus would do, and yet they have been rationalized away by right-wing Christians for the sake of some greater goal–whatever that might be. Justifications have been made for every egregious act committed by Donald Trump.

“He speaks what’s on his mind.”

Well, yes he does, and sometimes we all know it’s best not to utter everything that crosses one’s mind. A mature man who cares about the feelings and welfare of others knows when it’s best not to speak what’s on his mind. If what’s on a man’s mind is that it’s okay to grab women by their private parts then he should probably just not talk. If in his paranoid mind he gravitates to conspiracy theories put out by others then maybe a little silence on the lips is the best thing.

This is one of the problems with Trump. There is no filter. There is no concern for protocol or what anyone else thinks. He reacts to the world around him like a child throwing a temper tantrum. He condescends to everyone and considers others enemies if they so much as disagree with him. He treats others like the buffoon that he is. Already he has enraged, frightened, or irritated many of our long-standing allies. Already he has lost several battles, most recently on health care, but that is not the issue.

No President has to be a perfect person. None of them can be as we are all human. But a President does need to be a decent and moral human being. This is the problem with Trump. He may be a successful businessman. He may be the winning candidate and now President of the United States. He may even define his politics by what he truly believes is best for country. But he is not a decent man. That is his failure–not as a politician, but as a human being.

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Letter to Donald Trump on Transgender Guidelines


Born This Way. Photo by Callen Harty.


Dear President Trump,

I have heard reports that the White House is considering rescinding Department of Education guidelines regarding transgender rights for school districts across the United States. I am pleading with you as an adult who works with LGBT students to please leave the guidelines in place for the protection of transgender students.

I presume you are aware that violence against transgender citizens is among the highest against any minority group in this country. If not, please note the following: According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP), in 2013 72% of the victims of hate violence homicides were crimes against transgender women (particularly transgender women of color). Transgender people were also almost four times as likely to suffer from police violence and transgender women were almost twice as likely to suffer sexual violence. The report did not list the number of transgender suicides, but the numbers of that are also alarming, particularly among young transgender people who not only struggle with the common issues of adolescence but the much larger issues of identity and the discrimination that follows because of that identity.

In a report by the Human Rights Campaign 2016 saw the largest number of transgender homicides ever and, again, their statistics do not consider suicide. Our group lost one of our high schoolers to suicide last year and I never want to see that happen again. To anyone, and especially young people who should just be starting on a long journey through life. Taking away the guidelines will leave school district administrators confused about what protections they can offer their transgender students and it will send a loud message to transgender youth that their lives do not matter to the administration or the American people.

Transgender lives do matter. The young man we lost to suicide was an intelligent, articulate teen leader who had incredible gifts to offer the world. We will never know what he may have accomplished with his life. The Williams Institute in a 2014 analysis of the National Transgender Discrimination Study found that 78% of those who experienced physical or sexual violence at school reported at least one suicide attempt. 57% whose families had stopped talking to or having contact with their transgender family member after they came out as trans had attempted suicide. And yes, families do stop talking to LGBT youth or sometimes kick them out and make them homeless. I have seen this happen to teens who simply wanted to be themselves. These young people do not need further obstacles put in their way or protections taken from them.

If, as reported, you are considering rescinding the guidelines I strongly urge you to reconsider. Put yourself in the shoes of a young person who has to come to terms with their own identity and then face bullying, harassment, discrimination, and violence as a daily part of their lives simply for trying to live as their true selves.

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A Queer View of the Incoming Administration


Love Trumps Hate. Photo by Callen Harty.

Likely most people have noticed the Orwellian nature of Donald Trump’s picks for his Cabinet and other roles in his upcoming White House, which is more appropriately named than ever with Stephen Bannon as one of his top advisors. There is a Labor Secretary who hates workers and does not support a raise in the minimum wage, Goldman Sachs executives heading Treasury and other top economic posts, an Education Secretary who has spent years undermining public education by donating money to expand vouchers and charter schools. There has been a never-ending litany of incomprehensible names put forward to run agencies, such as a climate denier heading the Environmental Protection Agency. Unfortunately none of it is fictional or just a bad dream.

What many straight people and self-delusional Log Cabin Republicans may have missed, though, is something that has been obvious to almost anyone who is lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender (LGBT)—virtually every one of Trump’s horrible picks is not only eminently unqualified for their appointments, but also among the most homophobic men and women in the country. Some of them may be self-hating closet cases. The rest may just be hateful people who don’t want queer folks to have a place at the table, at least not alongside them.

It starts with the incoming Vice-President, Mike Pence, the Indiana Governor who signed a “religious freedom” law that would have allowed businesses to discriminate against LGBT people. Public pressure against the bill was so intense that he ended up having to sign an amendment to it that would protect gays and lesbians somewhat, but believing that one’s sexuality is a choice he has long been an opponent of gay rights. He is against marriage equality and, in fact, proudly supported a Constitutional amendment to specify marriage as only between a man and woman when he was a member of Congress. He even signed a bill that would jail gay couples who dared to apply for a marriage license in his state. He has opposed pretty much any attempt to make queer people equal in this country, including the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Act and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which was written to protect LGBT citizens from being fired at the whim of their employers simply for being themselves. In addition he opposed the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and also President Obama’s directive to allow transgender students to use the restroom that matches their identity. Finally (well, probably not, but this list is enough to give an idea of where he stands), back at the turn of the century (believe it or not, the 21st century, not the 19th or 18th) Pence proposed a law to take funding away from AIDS research and to use those funds toward conversion therapy, the awful idea of coercively converting gay people to a heterosexual lifestyle. In addition to his own anti-LGBT agenda Pence has led the effort to name Cabinet members and other appointments, so it is not a huge surprise that so many of them are equally homophobic.

Reince Priebus, long-time chair of the Republican National Committee and now Trump’s Chief of Staff, is a long-time conservative strategist. He oversaw the Republican convention that nominated Donald Trump for the Presidency and which released the most repressive platform in history as far as queer rights are concerned. It called for overturning the Supreme Court decision that made marriage equality the law of the land and actually said that the party did “not accept the Supreme Court’s redefinition of marriage”. It promoted the same kind of “religious freedom” bill that Pence signed in Indiana. It said that every child “deserves a Mom and Dad”, even though 50% of marriages end in divorce and many children from straight families are in single-parent households without a “Mom and Dad”. It opposed the idea of allowing transgender persons being allowed to use the restrooms that match their identity. It also promoted the conversion therapy that Pence admires so much.

There is so much wrong with Steve Bannon that a book could be written about it. He is a racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic homophobe. And those are his good qualities. As the editor of Breitbart News, the right-wing online “news” source, he has overseen the publication of articles deriding the “tranny” lifestyle, made comments about “dykes”, and more. And that’s just a couple samples of his transphobia and homophobia, which is nothing compared to his comments about women and other minorities.

For Attorney General, Trump selected Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions, more notorious for his past racist remarks than his homophobia. Still, he is considered one of the more anti-LGBT members of the Senate. He is a Senate co-sponsor of the First Amendment Protection Act, the “religious freedom” bill that would allow discrimination against LGBT citizens based on religious beliefs. He also co-sponsored a bill that would have made each state’s definition of marriage take precedence over the federal definition, which would effectively undermine the Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage. On the flip side he has been fiercely opposed to marriage equality, the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, and hate crimes legislation throughout his career. In a strange story reported by Chris Sommerfeldt of the New York Daily News (12/2/16) Sessions went out of his way to try to prevent an LGBT conference from being held on the campus of the University of Alabama when he was the Alabama Attorney General. The purpose of the conference was to host workshops to open up dialogue on LGBT issues and AIDS. This was apparently so threatening to him that he threatened to get a court order and later an injunction to prevent the campus from holding the conference. It went on despite his protestations.

Tapped as National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn had previously been vetted as a possible Vice-Presidential pick. At that time he skirted around the issues of abortion and LGBT rights, more or less indicating that they weren’t the real big issues facing the country, emphasizing that he was more about national security. On the other hand, while he didn’t mention it at that time, he did previously oppose allowing openly gay people to serve in the military and opposed the lifting of a ban on transgender soldiers by saying, “War is not about bathrooms . . .”

The Deputy National Security Adviser selection, Fox “News” commentator K. T. McFarland, is reported to have outed her brother to their parents as he was dying of AIDS and also failed to visit him the last couple years of his life even though they lived fairly close. The initial report on this was an article in the New York Times Magazine in 2006. In the article a selection from a letter she wrote to her parents was included, which comes across as cold, uncaring, and lacking any compassion: “Have you ever wondered why I have never had anything to do with Mike and have never let my daughters see him although we live only fifteen minutes away from each other? He has been a lifelong homosexual, most of his relationships brief, fleeting one-night stands.” Speaking of no compassion, when the writer first asked about her brother her response was, “Ummmm. He was sick and then he died.” Perhaps cold-heartedness is a desired quality for national security.

Former Presidential candidate Ben Carson, who pretty much admitted he was not prepared to lead any large bureaucracy about a week before being named head of the Department of Housing and Urban Development, has been rabidly anti-gay as a candidate. This includes comparing same-sex marriage to bestiality. Everyone knows that those Midwestern farm boys who have sex with cows just want to buy Bessie a ring and live happily ever after. In a post on Carson by the Human Rights Campaign it was noted that he believes Congress should fire judges who rule in favor of marriage equality and he joked that those opposed to same-sex marriage might poison the wedding cakes of same-sex couples if bakeries were forced to do business with gay and lesbian couples. Ha-ha. Funny stuff there, Ben. In general his views are so archaic that he could open an antique shop of his brain. He was also famously quoted as saying that prison caused the “choice” of homosexuality and actually had to backtrack on that one a bit.

According to John Riley of MetroWeekly (12/8/16) Tom Price, Secretary of Health and Human Services, believes that the “LGBT lifestyle” leads to more health concerns that could cost the government considerable amounts of money. This is in addition to his typically right-wing conservative stances on all the other hot-button LGBT issues already noted of the other appointees. As a Representative he voted against ENDA, including queer people in hate crimes legislation, and an LGBT-inclusive version of the Violence Against Women Act. In an article in The Advocate ( 12/12/16) Price referred to Obama’s directive on allowing transgender students to use the bathroom that matches their identity as an “absurd federal bathroom policy.”

The nod for Secretary of Education went to Betsy DeVos, again one of the more Orwellian selections as she has worked tirelessly to dismantle public education by promoting vouchers and charter schools. In addition to her work on that she is just simply rich, which automatically makes her a perfect pick for Trump’s administration. She and her family have donated hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not millions, to fight marriage equality, much of it going to the virulently anti-gay Focus on the Family. She also opposes expanding discrimination protections to transgender people.

The new C.I.A. Director will be former Congressperson Mike Pompeo. Like Jeff Sessions he believes that marriage should solely be between a man and a woman because that is the “ideal” for raising children. Again like Sessions and most of the President-elect’s picks, Pompeo has consistently rated a zero from the Human Rights Campaign, an LGBT advocacy group that rates Representatives and Senators on how friendly they are to queer rights issues.

There have been other selections for whom not much is known as far as their record or positions on LGBT issues and there are likely many others missing from this list as it is not all-inclusive. South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley was chosen as Ambassador to the United Nations. Aside from vehemently opposing same-sex marriage she has been relatively quiet or moderate on LGBT issues. Incoming Secretary of Defense James Mattis, Secretary of Homeland Security John Kelly, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, and Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao may not be stridently anti-gay but they also do not appear to be definitively pro-gay either.

One other name to throw onto the list is that of Ken Blackwell. It is unclear how much of a role, if any, that he may play in the administration after the inauguration, but for now he is leading the team that is helping to name appointments for domestic issues. He may be the most anti-gay of the lot. He is Ohio’s former Secretary of State and is a senior fellow at the Family Research Council, a group that fights anything gay and is so determined about it that they have been named a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. This quote from him as reported by Right Wing Watch indicates about where he stands:

“I think homosexuality is a lifestyle, it’s a choice, and that lifestyle can be changed,” Blackwell said in response to the question “Is homosexuality a sin, and can gays be cured?” according to published transcripts. “I think it is a transgression against God’s law, God’s will.”

He continued: “The reality is, again…that I think we make choices all the time. And I think you make good choices and bad choices in terms of lifestyle. Our expectation is that one’s genetic makeup might make one more inclined to be an arsonist or might make one more inclined to be a kleptomaniac. Do I think that they can be changed? Yes.”

He was also quoted as saying that homosexuality “defies barnyard logic,” apparently not knowing that same-sex sexual behavior has been observed by scientists in countless species.

All of these appointees may explain why queer people have unfriended and now distrust those who voted for Donald Trump. If you didn’t understand why your LGBT friends and family haven’t talked to you since the election or why they are scared to death right now you might want to take note of the people Trump has selected to serve with him. While he came across during the campaign as at the very least tolerant on queer issues, the birds of a feather he is nesting with now are a frightening menagerie of hawks, vultures, and other birds of prey when it comes to queer rights. LGBT citizens are rightfully frightened at the moment. If you truly love your queer children, friends, and neighbors you need to do what you can to reassure them that you will fight these homophobes as they start to dismantle queer lives, and then you need to follow through on that promise.

Note: Within hours of posting this blog it was learned that former Governor of Texas (and former “Dancing with the Stars” loser) Rick Perry was to be named Energy Secretary. He has a long history of homophobic statements. Follow this link for just a few delightful ones: http://www.dailydot.com/layer8/rick-perry-homophobic-quotes/

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Christmas Reflection

Christmas Tree. Photo by Callen Harty.

Christmas Tree. Photo by Callen Harty.

Last night as I was driving home under the stars on tops of evergreen trees and past lights behind frosty windows I thought of my mother and I cried. She is old now, bedridden and infirm, somehow staying alive when we thought she would be gone before Christmas several years in a row. She has been on my mind a lot lately. In a sad way she is already gone though still physically present. She doesn’t recognize people, she doesn’t know her own history most of the time, she is weak. And yet she hangs on to her tenuous life with a ferocity that amazes.

But I wasn’t crying for her inevitable decline and passing, which could be years from now with her Irish stubbornness and toughness. The tears were more for what has already been lost. What I have now is memories, but she has shown me that memories can be as fragile as life. I cried in part for the joyful memories. In more youthful Christmastimes she would load all of us kids into the car and drive around town to look at all the pretty lights hung from trees and houses. Many of my best memories are of Mom in the car: sudden surprise trips to the drive-in eight miles away in Benton or twelve miles away in Darlington where we would enjoy ice cream (still her favorite treat); treks to Dubuque or Madison for shopping; going along with her through early morning fog when she would drive my oldest brother to work at his job in Monroe; trips to visit relatives in Hanover, Illinois or just out to the country to farms of relatives and friends; even the short jaunts downtown or to the post office–all of which gave time just to be together and talk and marvel at the world around us.

In high school Yahtzee, Scrabble, and other games were used the same way. We would spend hours sitting at the table rolling dice and striving to win while discussing the state of the world. We loved each other’s company then–we talked, we shared deep things with each other, we laughed. Oh, did we laugh. We laughed a lot. Sometimes there would be laughing jags so long and so hard that we would both end up in tears from the laughter, with my mother snorting loudly as it continued, and that would make her and me both laugh even more. She loved her Yahtzee, but the game didn’t really matter. It was the thing that brought us together to sit for a while and be with each other. She was fiercely competitive, but I think we both won when spending that time together and I think she knew that.

These things can come to a person at the most unlikely of moments, but I understood fully last night why holidays can be so difficult for so many people. In many families, just like mine, the parents do their best to create happy experiences for their children. We didn’t have much when I was a child, but Mom always made sure we had some new clothes and some new toys or things that we would enjoy at Christmas. Many of my friends and neighbors would get all the newest toys or gadgets and I would sometimes be embarrassed by what I had received in comparison, but I also understood that my mother had done the best she could as a single mother raising a family of four. There was always food, light, and love in the house during the season. In every season, when I think about it.

Christmas memories are often the most happy of memories; maybe not for everyone, but for many. Part of it is that as children we don’t necessarily see as much loss as adults have seen, so there is an innocence there, and as we grow into adulthood and maturity we understand what has been lost from those memories. As the years go by there are more people missing from the holiday table and the empty places leave an emptiness in the soul. The young ones don’t understand that because it is their turn for the happy memories to be created for them. At some point in the future they, too, will  look at a Christmas tree or lights or something that reminds them of their childhood and instead of smiling because of the memory they will one year be sad because of the loss. They will cry as I did last night, wipe the tears, and hide all of that from the children at the table because, really, it is all about those young ones and creating memories for them.

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Set for Are We Delicious? Musical Heroes at the Barrymore Theatre, Madison, Wisconsin. Photo by Callen Harty.


On Friday I was invited to speak at a performance of Are We Delicious?/Musical Heroes. The company had invited audience members to nominate “local heroes” and then invited four to speak between pieces at the event. This is what I wrote for the event.

First of all I’m honored to be sharing the stage tonight with the other three speakers and with the talented writers, actors, and musicians in this production. Thank you for the invitation.

I was asked to speak a bit about my mission and about my heroes, and neither one is easy to summarize in just a few minutes, but I’ll do my best.

My mission is simple—for the world to be a better place when I leave it than it was when I got here; to bring more love into the world than there was before. I’ve strived to do that in my life by working as a queer activist, a peace activist, through my art, by co-founding several organizations, working with youth, and working to shine a light on child sex abuse so that we can end it forever.

But I don’t think of what I do as heroic or courageous in any way. Those labels don’t feel comfortable to me. I just live my life. It’s what I do.

As for my heroes I have had many in my life, people who inspire me and make me a better man. These include my life partner, Brian, who is here tonight and has brought much light and love to many, my bedridden mother who wakes every day to continue to teach us lessons, many friends, my mentor, Joel Gersmann, Harry Hay, Paul Wellstone, the people in Black Lives Matter, the water protectors at Standing Rock, and others. While I applaud all of them I also understand that they, and me, are problematic as heroes—because we are human and humans are frail and can fail as often as we succeed.

Once you understand, though, that heroes are just regular folks who have their own issues and occasionally rise above their humanity, then you can also understand that all of us have the potential to be heroes, whether it’s by doing something simple like helping a neighbor, donating money to a good cause, or quietly living your life with love and compassion. Not every hero is in the public eye, nor do they need to be. I think that everyone lives their lives to the best of their abilities. That is an amazing thing. You can all be heroes just by living. Just be loving and giving and you will be a hero to someone. Be kind. Stand up. Stand for something. We need all of you to act out on those impulses now more than ever.

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Chance Given


Less Hate. Photo by Callen Harty.


On election night I was devastated by the Presidential results. Though I voted for her I wasn’t as devastated by Hillary Clinton’s loss as I was by Donald Trump’s win. It made no sense to me. Every election people say they want “change” and because of that many of those people voted against the entrenched name of Clinton. Many voted not so much for Trump but against Clinton because they hated her so much they would have elected Mickey Mouse instead of her (and perhaps they did).

But Mickey Mouse is a harmless mouse. Trump appeared to be more of a rat–calling Mexicans rapists, women ugly, making fun of a disabled reporter, and bragging about conquests and sexual assaults of women. Unless you’re Vermin Supreme there should be a certain decorum in Presidential candidates, which Trump completely lacked. As a gay man I could not vote for him. As a sexual abuse survivor I could not vote for him. As a man who believes that all men and women are created equal I could not vote for him. I could not imagine that enough of my fellow Americans would hate Clinton so much that they would allow him to be elected. What happened to the #NeverTrump crowd? What happened to all the Republicans who initially said they could not back such a horrible person and then little by little (with the exception of maybe half a dozen with real morals) jumped back on the bandwagon because they cared more about their own political futures then about the political and real future of this country? Then, of course, there were the spineless politicos like Paul Ryan who tried to play both sides of the fence to try to protect themselves no matter which way the wind might blow on election day.

On election night I cried. For the first time in 40 years of voting I literally cried at the result, because it told me how far America has sunk as it gasps its last breaths of empire. The end of empire, expansionism, and interference in the affairs of other nations is not such a bad thing. The end of our morals and decency and the last vestiges of compassion and caring is a horrible thing to watch. Granted, Trump did not even win the popular vote, and a huge number of eligible voters just plain stayed home, so it’s not like Trump’s win is a mandate for anything. Still, a large percentage of my fellow Americans voted for a man who showed himself to be racist, misogynist, and more. I never thought I would see such a reprobate elected to the highest office of the land and so I cried for what we have become.

Because I believe in this country and have learned to accept hard-fought losses I understood Clinton, Obama, and others who congratulated Trump on his victory–as difficult as that must have been–and understood their desire for a peaceful transition of power and best wishes for his success. I understood the idea, as much as I disliked Trump as a candidate, that he would be the next President whether I liked it or not and that he should be given the same chance that any other incoming President has been given.

Less than three weeks as a President-elect have passed and I have already run out of chances to give Trump. If he says he wants to act as a President for all the people then he is either ignorant of the lives and careers of those with whom he is surrounding himself or he is outright lying about wanting to be the President for all of us.

Nobody has been named yet, but experts believe that it is currently a battle between Mitt Romney and Rudy Guiliani for Secretary of State. Guiliani has been one of Trump’s leading sycophants (psychophant?), which Trump surrounds himself with, so he probably stands a very good chance. His claim to fame, of course, is his willingness to erode every American right because–you know, 9/11. Romney, on the other hand, was no friend of Trump’s during the campaign. Trump is known more for getting even with people than with offering an olive branch. His only reason to select Romney would be to appease the Republican establishment, which would also be out of character. Democrat Tulsi Gabbard has also been mentioned after accepting a meeting with Trump to discuss Syria and our policies there, but it would be a surprise if he selected her and not one of his inner circle or some other conservative outside of the establishment. The scary thing is that either one of those choices seems like a godsend when compared to many of the other choices so far.

Who knows? Trump may surprise everyone with an even worse Secretary of State pick than either Giuliani or Romney. Just look at some of the horrible choices he has already made. A few are choices that would be acceptable offerings from any President. While Nikki Haley is not a politician I like, her selection as Ambassador to the United Nations is not one to raise a lot of eyebrows. Likewise with Donald McGahn as White House Counsel and a couple other choices. On the other hand some of the most high-profile selections are people I wouldn’t be comfortable welcoming into my house, let alone helping to lead the government. These are not people who can be supported.

If Trump wanted to separate himself from accusations of racism he did not do so with his first few selections. Worst of all was the selection of Steve Bannon as Chief Strategist and Senior Advisor to the President, the position held by Karl Rove under George W. Bush and held by David Axelrod, among others, under Barack Obama. If anyone remembers how much influence Karl Rove had over George W. Bush then you have to realize that Bannon will be in a position to wield a lot of influence. Bannon is the one who revived Trump’s campaign late in the election cycle. He did it with some pretty ugly antics, such as inviting women who claimed to have been assaulted by Bill Clinton to one of Trump’s debates with Hillary Clinton. Prior to coming onto the campaign he was the editor of Breitbart News, a conservative organ that promoted deeply conservative views under the leadership of its founder and editor, Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart himself had Libertarian and very conservative views, but when he passed away in 2012 Bannon took over and pushed Breitbart even further right and published article after article of anti-Semitic, homophobic, misogynist, and racist claptrap. Upon learning of Bannon’s appointment Democratic Senator from Oregon Jeff Merkley tweeted that Trump had just invited a white nationalist into the White House. While technically accurate, white nationalist (and alt.right) are simply polite terms for racist jerks. Bannon is a racist, pure and simple, and having a man like him at the President’s side is a scary prospect for anyone who believes in our foundational premise that all are created equal.

Attorney General selection Jeff Sessions has also been considered a racist. In the 1980s conservative President Ronald Reagan (who now feels like a crazy liberal in comparison to some of the wacked out right-wingers around today) appointed Sessions to a judgeship. A Republican-held Senate refused to confirm him because of racist remarks. He had joked that the KKK was okay with him until he found out they smoked pot. Not really a funny joke, or an okay kind of opinion. He was also accused of calling the NAACP and other black and civil rights organizations “un-American”. He also opposes same-sex marriage. If he doesn’t get rejected by the Senate again he will be the highest-ranking lawman in the nation, a scary thought for anyone who believes in civil rights.

Lieutenant-General Mike Flynn has been named National Security Adviser. He has shown himself to be an Islamophobe. In February of this year he tweeted “Fear of Muslims is RATIONAL . . .” and asked followers to forward that message with the closing statement, “The truth fears no questions.” So my question is why he didn’t specify that fear of terrorists is rational rather than classifying all the adherents of a particular religion as people to fear. That kind of irrational bigotry will not lead to better national security for anyone.

Mike Pompeo, a representative from Kansas, was chosen to lead the Central Intelligence Agency. His views on surveillance are scary enough that I fear writing something negative about him now could come back to haunt me later. He wants to expand the government’s ability to spy on citizens and collect information in order to better prevent terrorism and threats to the United States. He, too, has walked a tightrope of Islamophobia, pretty much always being careful to qualify his distaste for Muslims with coded terms and references to radical Islamists. At the same time he has depicted radical Islamists as being out to destroy Christianity and insists that believing in Jesus Christ is the only way to save us all, while not acknowledging or realizing that Christians like himself are out to evangelize the world into their way of thinking and to do that they must destroy other religions along the way.

A couple days ago Betsy DeVos was named as the Secretary of Education. DeVos is a woman who never went to public school (nor did her children), who has never taught, and whose only connection to education has been in fighting to expand school vouchers and charter schools. This is a person who does not believe in public education and would like to see it privatized. Republicans who profess to believe in less government have been using these tools to slowly erode local control of schools, providing opportunities for charter schools to teach a curriculum that espouses creationism and other non-scientific viewpoints as the truth. She is married to the heir to the Amway fortune. Amway was founded by two men who believed in the “American Way”, which is what Amway is short for, and who have used the profits from their pyramid sales scheme to fund ultra-conservative causes for decades. DeVos has been quoted as saying that she expects to get something in return for the money that she and her family give to candidates. She could easily be the poster child for Citizens United.

This is just a sampling of the selections for top positions so far. There are many more to come, including the likelihood of a 17-year employee of Goldman Sachs as Treasury Secretary, homophobe Tom Cotton as a potential Secretary of Defense (hopefully not the likeliest choice, but under consideration), a possible Secretary of Agriculture whose campaign account tweeted the “c” word about Hillary Clinton, and Secretary of the Interior possibilities such as venture capitalist Robert Grady, Lucas Oil co-founder Forrest Lucas, and environmental rights activist Sarah Palin (please note sarcasm on this one).

These choices tell me that Donald Trump does not want to be my President, and I know that I don’t want him to be my President either. I was willing to give him a chance. Within a few days he had already surrendered that chance. On election night I cried. Less than three weeks later I am no longer crying. I am angry, stubborn, resolute, and prepared to resist.

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