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Categories
Meta
Tag Archives: fear
Club Q
(edited to reflect new information; 11/21/22) Once again, my people have been attacked. Several members of the queer community were shot and killed at Club Q in Colorado Springs, Colorado late Saturday night. On Sunday’s Transgender Day of Remembrance, news … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Billy Jack Gaither, Christians, closet, Club Q, Colorado, Colorado Springs, common sense gun laws, Constitution, Dignity, equality, fear, gay, Harvey Milk, hate, hatred, leaders, LGBT, Matthew Shepard, out, politicians, Pulse Nightclub, queer, rights, safe spaces, transgender, United States, violence
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Cancerversary
One year ago today, sometime after 2:00 in the morning, I woke up my partner, Brian, and told him I felt I needed to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pains. I had just taken three consecutive … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged alcohol recovery, biopsy, brain aneurism, cancer, Cancerversary, chemotherapy, child sex abuse, colon, colonoscopy, colostomy, complications, constipation, Covid, CT scan, death, Devil's Lake State Park, diagnosis, diverticulitis, Dr. King, drains, edema, emergency room, fear, health, heart attack, heart issues, hiking, ICD, ICU, ileostomy, implantable carioverter defibrillator, infection, IV, life, liquid diet, living, love, lymph nodes, Meriter Hospital, natural causes, near-death, oncologist, opertion, ostomy, oxygen, pain, physical therapy, positive energy, recovery, rehabilitation, sickness, Spring, stricture, support, surgeon, survival, survivor, tachycardia, tumor markers, X-ray
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Emotional Distancing
Apparently I did not know how much fear, stress, and anxiety had built up within me over the last year, but apparently it was there all along. Not only was I socially distancing, but I was also emotionally distancing. While … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged anger, anxiety, appointments, BMI, body mass index, Catholic guilt, Covid, disease, eligibility, empathy, envy, fear, feelings, frustration, health care, health conditions, heart condition, hug, human beings, jealous, lesson, life, love, pandemic, pharmacy, pre-existing conditions, relief, social distancing, stress, survivor, uncertainty, vaccine, virus, wait list, waiting, Wisconsin
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More than Nine Lives
In my life, I feel like I have lived more than the nine lives of a cat. When I was two years old, I almost died when I contracted scarlet fever, meningitis, and mumps in a two week span. My … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged accidents, AIDS, alcohol, alcoholism, black ice, cat, childhood sex abuse, coronary, coronavirus, crises, death, drugs, fear, fight, gay, heart attack, heart history, high-risk category, illness, injury, ischemic cariomyopathy, Madison, meningitis, mortality, mumps, nine lives, office, opening night, scarlet fever, self-isolation, self-medicate, social distancing, soul, Spanish flu, stents, suicidal ideation, survival, survivor guilt, ventricular techycardia, workplace
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Heart Thoughts
As 2019 comes to a close I am recovering again from an incident with my heart. Eleven years ago I had a major heart attack, with 100% blockage of the left coronary. They put four stents in at that time, … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged blockage, cardiac catheterization, cardioversion, computers, control, death, defibrillator, drug regimen, emergency room, fear, genes, heart, heart attack, heart rhythm, ICD, implantable cardioverter defibrillator, irregular heartbeat, left coronary, longevity, medical procedures, medicine, moment, mortality, pacemaker, prescriptions, present, science, stents, surgery, ventricular tachycardia
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9/11 and the Enduring Sorrow
(Note: This was originally posted on 9/11/12. The post has been slightly updated with some current information) Nine. One. One. On an autumn morning so vivid it seems like yesterday and so foggy it seems a lifetime ago our nation … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged "eye for an eye", 9/11, Afghanistan, America, anti-government, apathy, biological weapons, Bush administration, citizens, civilians, compassion, compromise, court of law, Dancing with the Stars, Democrat, enemies, fear, freedoms, goodwill, government, hijacked jets, homeland security, Iraq, justice, land of the free, liberty, memorials, Muslim-American citizens, oil, Osama bin Laden, Patriot Act, peace, peaceful resolution, Pennsylvania, Pentagon, politicians, power, President, racial profiling, reality television, Republican, rights, Saddam Hussein, Saudi Arabia, soldiers, sorrow, surveillance, terrorism, tooth for a tooth, trial, twin towers, understanding, victims, violence, war, war hysteria, warrantless wiretaps, warrants, world community, World Trade Center
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Not Yet Numb
Somehow, I am not yet numb. While watching a teenage girl talk about a boy in her high school class giving his life to save others, tears come into my eyes and my swallowing becomes difficult. So I realize I … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged ABC News, ACT, Alabama, Baltimore, Baltimore Sun, bomb threats, bombings, child, copy, David Hogg, Emma Gonzalez, fear, feel, Fox News, hatred, heroes, high school, killings, life, Los Angeles Times, mass shootings, media, murder, New York Daily News, peace, politicians, school, shootings, terrorism, Texas, Yahoo Sports
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Pictures of a Lost Youth
Trigger warning: This post talks about child sex abuse. Please take care of yourself. My sister has been looking through old photos that my mother had and posting some online for those who are pictured in them. Recently she posted … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged aftereffects, Anne Frank, boy, child sex abuse, childhood, emotions, fear, goodness, guilt, happy, high school graduation, hopeful, idealistic, lost innocence, memories, pain, photo, pictures, positive, rape, sadness, sexual abuse, shame, smile, survivors, teen years, trigger warning, vulnerable
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Fear
Over the weekend, a group of right-wingers held a rally at the Wisconsin Capitol to stand up and speak out for Second Amendment rights. At least a couple gun rights groups organized the event. Not that anyone is trying to … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged anti-government, Attorney General, Charlottesville, Democrats, fear, fellow citizens, firearms, government, governor, gun rights, gun violence, handguns, Heather Heyer, Josh Kaul, Madison, mass shootings, militia, red flag gun law, right to bear arms, right-wingers, Second Amendment, Three Percent United Patriots, Three Percenters, Tony Evers, Unite the Right, United Against Fascism, universal background checks, Wisconsin Capitol
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Profiles in Cowardice
On Friday, the remaining holdouts on the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation announced their intentions in the vote that is scheduled for Saturday. For those who are survivors of sexual assault, the likely vote of 51 to 49 to confirm–unless something major … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged abuse, agenda, Arkansas, attempted rape, body language, Brett Kavanaugh, Chuck Grassley, citizens, compassion, conscience, corroborate, corrupted, cowardice, Democrats, Donald Trump, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, drinking, drugs, elderly, empathy, false memories, FBI, fear, harassment, healing, hearing, heart attack, House, investigation, Jeff Flake, Joe Manchin, John F. Kennedy, jurist, justice, lap dog, left-wingers, LGBT, lied under oath, Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell, molested, money, old queen, Orrin Hatch, partisan, people of color, political cover, politics, poor, power, Presidential ambitions, Profiles in Courage, rape, Republicans, right-wing conservative, Ron Johnson, self-blame, self-hatred, Senate, sexual assault, shame, Supreme Court, survivors, Susan Collins, Tom Cotton, Utah, violence, West Virginia, Wisconsin
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A Single Bluebird 