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Categories
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Tag Archives: pain
Cancerversary
One year ago today, sometime after 2:00 in the morning, I woke up my partner, Brian, and told him I felt I needed to go to the emergency room due to severe abdominal pains. I had just taken three consecutive … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged alcohol recovery, biopsy, brain aneurism, cancer, Cancerversary, chemotherapy, child sex abuse, colon, colonoscopy, colostomy, complications, constipation, Covid, CT scan, death, Devil's Lake State Park, diagnosis, diverticulitis, Dr. King, drains, edema, emergency room, fear, health, heart attack, heart issues, hiking, ICD, ICU, ileostomy, implantable carioverter defibrillator, infection, IV, life, liquid diet, living, love, lymph nodes, Meriter Hospital, natural causes, near-death, oncologist, opertion, ostomy, oxygen, pain, physical therapy, positive energy, recovery, rehabilitation, sickness, Spring, stricture, support, surgeon, survival, survivor, tachycardia, tumor markers, X-ray
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On Suicide Prevention Day
Trigger Warning: This post talks about suicide/ideation, child sex abuse, and depression. Please take care of yourself. If there is one thing in my life that I failed at that I’m happy about it’s suicide. When I was younger I … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged attempts, better, child sex abuse, depression, drug overdoes, drunk, heart, humor, Invisible Boy, love, meaningful life, pain, paranoia, peace, pills, razor blade, self-doubt, suicide, Suicide Awareness Day, survive, unloved, unwanted
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Pictures of a Lost Youth
Trigger warning: This post talks about child sex abuse. Please take care of yourself. My sister has been looking through old photos that my mother had and posting some online for those who are pictured in them. Recently she posted … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged aftereffects, Anne Frank, boy, child sex abuse, childhood, emotions, fear, goodness, guilt, happy, high school graduation, hopeful, idealistic, lost innocence, memories, pain, photo, pictures, positive, rape, sadness, sexual abuse, shame, smile, survivors, teen years, trigger warning, vulnerable
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#WhyIDidntReport
Why I didn’t report? Blame. I did report. As a little boy I told my mother and her response was, “You shouldn’t let him do that to you.” She didn’t know any better and neither did I. So when it … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged #WhyIDidntReport, alcohol, blame, burden, burden of proof, childhood sex abuse, corroboration, courage, drugs, fear, horror, justice system, love, memoires, naming, pain, physical evidence, reality, shame, statute of limitations, survivors, threatened, time, truth
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On Suicide
Trigger warning for suicide/suicidal ideation. When I was living in my dorm in college one of the men at the other end of the long hall on our floor killed himself. In retrospect it was not a sudden thing. … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged abused, acquaintance, alcohol, alone, angels, best friend, child, choice, crisis line volunteer, depressed, depression, despair, drugs, emotions, family member, feeling, friend, gift, healing, hope, human being, human connection, Invisible Boy, light, love, minister, molested, pain, prostitution, protection, self-abuse, sex addiction, silence, suicidal ideation, suicide, survivor, teacher, touch, trust, turning point, whole person, worthless, wounded child
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A Gift
Over the last several years I have spoken to a lot of groups about child sex abuse. Typically I relate my own survivor story and then open it up to questions and answers. I am not clinically trained or a … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged abuser, alcohol & drug abuse, apology, child sex abuse, compassion, forgiveness, healing journey, human connection, pain, promiscuity, self-care, self-hatred, shame, suicide, survivor, trigger warning
1 Comment
About Choices
Life is about choices. All of us have had bad things happen to us. Life is filled with tragedy, hurt, pain. Some of it may seem insurmountable and some of it passes faster than we might expect. Some of it stays with us … Continue reading
I Am Rising
I am rising because silence is not an option any more. I was silenced too long by threats, social pressures, and my own shame and fear. It took me years to realize that keeping the abuse a secret helped no … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged abuse, Brink Lounge, courage, fear, feelings, Madison Wisconsin, male survivors, masculinity, One Billion Rising, pain, physical violence, sexual violence, shame, silence, stoicism
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A Single Bluebird 